If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
