After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
