Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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