I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
