addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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