i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
