i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
