She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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