Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
