i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
