not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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