Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
