I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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