is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
