Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize