I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
