Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
