...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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