I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
