It's Friday. Sex?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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