So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He uses pillows to masturbate.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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