Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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