yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
