Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
