Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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