I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
