If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
