i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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