Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
