So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
