So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Everything about him screamed your future.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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