i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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