My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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