Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
