if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
