R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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