you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
