I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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