Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
