Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
