Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
