we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
