man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize