i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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