I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
3pm strippers are depressing
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
