decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So much Jack, so little girl.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
