Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
