i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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