Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
