You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
