He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
