Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
