Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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