i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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