I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
