At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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