I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
