A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
