my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
