You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
