i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
