Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
