I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
