it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Then you guys just all showered together...?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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