dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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