dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
