So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
