I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
