i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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