remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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