Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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