you turned your livingroom into a bong?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
