If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
